Scriptwriting - Creating 'The Boy Down the Street' screenplay

Today's blog post is going to be a bit different from all the rest as this is going to be about a script I've written.

Before I jump into anything, please don't steal or copy my work and ideas. I have dedicated a lot of time to writing this script and want to share it purely to motivate, help, and give insight to the processes of what goes into writing a script/story. All work shown in this blog post and on this site is solely my own. Thank you for respecting my work.

I've been working on this script since 2015 as an on and off type project. It originally started out as a Script-writing assessment for my Uni class, but I decided to carry it on. After submitting the first version of the script, called 'Boy of Abuse', I got some of my classmates to critique it and then made my second and third versions of the script called 'Is It Worth It?' and 'Elliott'.

When I finished my third version, I felt confused as I didn't know where the script was going. It had lost the touch the first draft had. The feedback I received from my classmates was great. Encouraging, and informative, but I had a one-track mind and couldn't see the script going in a different direction.

And so, I left it for some time.

I still did research into the subject matter I was writing about and watched movies of similar settings for inspiration. Learning story layouts and character development.

I'm not entirely sure where I got the idea for the script from, but a few movies that I drew inspiration from were 'Disturbia', 'Lolita 1997', 'The Secret Garden 1993', and 'The Paper Kites - Renegade (music video)'. All with the central theme of 'coming of age'.

After I re-wrote 'The Night Hag' I knew I wanted to do the same for the other scripts I wrote while at Uni. I went back to the script still called 'Elliott' and re-read it. Now viewing it in a 'stepped back' manner, I could see it clearer. I could see what I was aiming for but didn't achieve in the script write-up. So, starting up a new Celtx document, I started to write the new script.

During the writing process, as expected, I changed quite a bit and focused much more on the dialogue this time. I started to realise the importance of dialogue as it's a direct reflection of the character and their relationships with the people around them. I remember watching videos of Quentin Tarintino's movies being broken down to look at how he writes dialogue and took that information and put it into my script. My old dialogue scenes were too short and lacked support for the scene. They didn't provide any more information to the scenes and so became bland chatter.

Another large aspect that needed to be focused on and done right was the fact that I had a story told from the perspective of a girl.

Now, obviously, I am not a girl, and so I needed to do a lot of research on how to write and represent a thirteen-year-old girl who is my main character. This wasn't something that actually jumped out at me at first. I did the first draft and didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until I watched the movie 'Ladybird' that I realised I'm writing a teenage girl all wrong.

The first draft depicted my main character, Elizabeth, and her mum as a healthy and normal relationship. No ups and downs, no fighting or tension, which was all wrong. After watching Ladybird, I started to focus more on the relationship my sister and mum have, and how much alike it was to Ladybird and her mother. So, I went back through my first draft and wrote a second one, focusing on all the scenes Elizabeth and her mother have together. The dialogue that is spoken, their interactions, the petty arguments, the breaking of rules. I found that doing this brought the characters to life. Some aspects just bled into the other. Scenes would write themselves pretty much.

At a glance, 'The Boy Down the Street' is about Elizabeth, a thirteen-year-old girl, and Elliott, a boy Elizabeth befriends who lives nearby. After stumbling across his house on her ride home from school, she develops a bit of an infatuation with him. She heads back the next day to say 'hi' but ends up witnessing his dad physically abuse him. Elliott notices Elizabeth, and from then on Elizabeth has been intertwined into his world that she tries to help him escape from.

As I said earlier, I needed to really focus on getting my female lead character portrayed correctly, and the same can be said for Elliott, a victim of domestic abuse. A hard subject to write for and represent truthfully.

I myself have not been victim to any domestic violence or abuse, but for those out there that have, I hope I haven't strayed too far from the truth in this script.

So let's breakdown some scenes.

© jackhamilton.online

The opening scene:

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It was important for me to set the tone and style of the story from the start. It helps the reader think of the visuals as they read along. A rural town in the early 2000s. Retro, almost vintage setting, yet still relative. Isolated in a small-town community, the thought of discovering something new is exciting, and so when Elizabeth meets this boy for the first time it becomes of interest to her to pursue more information.

Something I really wanted to emphasize was the production design and wardrobe. I wanted to add more vintage styles than what the 2000s would have had, purely to add production value and style. The thought of a vintage bicycle riding down a dusty town road in summer by a schoolgirl was what first started this script. The idea came from 'Lolita 1997' with the movie's production design and clothing style, and so I wanted to add a touch of that into my script.

Describing the visuals for this script was important for the story setting. This is the world the characters live in. It is their universe and what they interact with. Further into the script, it becomes very important to describe the character's surroundings as it adds to the decisions they make.

One more thing that the opening does is describe the living situations the characters are placed in.

Elliott lives in a run-down house that is 'beaten and in need of a new paint job and some maintenance.' He is also being worked. We can see this by his dirty clothes and sweaty face while mowing the front lawn. Where is his father? Why isn't he mowing the lawn?

While Elliott looks tired and dirty, Elizabeth is riding around the streets freely on her bike, enjoying the start of the weekend. When she heads home we get the description of her bedroom. It's white, bright, and warm.

Two very different living conditions have been set up for the main characters.

The scars that they both wear are indicators of their past. Both have seen and felt trauma but on different levels. Life isn't all pretty, and some things stick with you permanently, whether that's mentally or physically.

Dialogue shared between mother and daughter:

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Here we can see an example of Elizabeth and her mother, Mary, interacting. When Mary wakes Elizabeth up there's energy. It adds a sense of fun between them. The next scene shows Mary nitpicking and rushing around. Elizabeth doesn't take any notice and continues with what she is told not to do.

I believe this scene speaks the truth of what it's like to be a single mum. Constant repeating of one's self and lots of rushing around. Elizabeth has just started her teen years and is showing signs of attitude and bits of rebelling. She's testing how far she can go in certain situations. Pushing boundaries with her mum and breaking the rules. This is important to set up early so we can understand her decisions made further into the story and don't second guess her decisions.

If she was written as a rule follower at the start and then halfway through the story starts to break the rules, we would second guess her. It is out of the ordinary for the character and would not be a believable trait to have attained without some serious justification.

Whereas if she is to break rules early, even if they are petty, we would be more prone to believe it is something her character would do.

Elizabeth sees Elliott get hit for the first time:

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What starts out as a nice scene, with Elizabeth's prying eyes watching Elliott from a distance, turns quickly into something that should not have been witnessed.

This scene was inspired by 'Disturbia 2007'. The main character witnessing something they aren't meant to see, and as a result, changes the direction of their story completely.

With the opening scenes information, we understand the house needs a new paint job and is now receiving one. This scene introduces us to Elliott's father, Chris. He has a temper and a strong and eerie presence. At first, he might seem like a standard angry father figure, a sort of cliche in many stories, but he comes with a pretty hefty emotional baggage.

Elizabeth's prying eyes have just witnessed how Elliott is treated and now has to decide what she is going to do with the information.

This scene introduces to us the backdrop that our character Elliott lives in. Why is his life like this and why is he enduring this treatment?

His life has been private up until this point. Now noticing that Elizabeth is watching, he feels embarrassment. We can tell this by his response to Elizabeth's wave.

The short scene of Elizabeth riding in front of the You Yang mountains is doing two things for the reader. It is giving us more information about the setting, where the story is taking place, and a bit of breathing room between scenes. A thinking situation for both character and reader.

The following scene is a thinking space for our main character in the safety of her bedroom.

Chris sees Elizabeth for the first time:

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After Elizabeth and Elliott have their first interaction together at the local Milk Shop, they ride their bikes together back to Elliott's. Elizabeth starts asking questions that become too personal for Elliott's liking. He asks her why she cares and she responds in a way that changes Elliott's outlook of Elizabeth. She asks him how he feels, a question he is never asked. He starts to trust her, which is something that doesn't come easy to Elliott.

The whole time this conversation is had, Chris is prying in the background, listening. When it gets to a point where it seems like Elliott is about to talk about what happens, Chris enters the scene. Without having to say a word, he gets Elliott to go inside.

There is little physical violence here, a generic light hand across the head to put his son in line. It's the act of how it's laid out though. We already understand that Chris has a strong presence over Elliott, but by putting Elliott on the ground, we really get the sense that Chris towers over his son. Everything he says goes. But in this scene, we see for the first time a small amount of protection given over Elizabeth by Elliott. Not saying who she is the first time asked is out of line almost.

Compared to when he was told to clean up the paint, he did it without hesitation, but now being asked more than once shows signs of light rebellion. A small step towards it at least.

Elizabeth and Mary argue:

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Earlier in the script, Elizabeth asked her mum if she could ride her bike to the Milk Bar. Mary said yes and told her to get bread as well, but to be back within 30 minutes. She turns up an hour later. This fits with our character Elizabeth breaking rules and ignoring mum. She has tested the boundary and found where it ends.

Mary puts her foot down and grounds Elizabeth, something she doesn't do regularly. Banning Elizabeth from riding her bike for a week is a heavy hitter. The bike is her gateway to freedom, something she loves and enjoys. It's her way of getting around and is a strong motif in this story. So to see it locked up is almost torture to Elizabeth. I wanted Mary to win this argument as it gives the power back to her. She is supposed to be in charge but loses power to her daughter most times by giving in or letting things slip, but when it comes to the safety of her child, she will become protective and strong.

This sets up future events and character development in the script.

Elliott gets beaten by Chris:

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This was probably one of the hardest parts to write but I feel it gets the point across without getting too gruesome and violent. I didn't want to have too little here either, as just saying 'Chris hit Elliott with his belt' doesn't offer any information to the scene and doesn't describe what domestic abuse is actually like. It is more than just violence as read above. Behind the yelling and screaming, there is acceptance given. Elliott has been in this position many times, all for different reasons. And as much as Chris hates to admit, this is torture to himself just as much as it is to Elliott. In a way, he is hitting Elliott, to hurt himself.

The difference this time around is that Elliott made contact with his mum for the first time in a while. Chris has stopped all contact for himself and Elliott with her and the only way he could get in contact with her was by asking the local Milk Bar owner for her number as that's the only contact he has outside of his home right now.

We get given a little bit of a back story here. The reason Elliott's mother left is that she was getting treated the same way Elliott is getting treated right now. Chris didn't allow her to take Elliott and so he is forced to stay with Chris. Elliott doesn't know where she has moved to and she is too scared to come by the house and say hi.

Behind Chris' anger and ignorance is pain and loneliness. He isn't abusive because he drinks. A failed marriage, a loss of a job, and being raised by his own abusive father all make up the reason why Chris is the way he is.

Chris pulled Elliott out of school, partly so his mum can't make a surprise visit to see him, or possibly take him, but also because Chris can't actually afford for Elliott to be in school. He has no job. And so, with all the time that they spend around each other, sooner or later, arguments happen, that then escalate. Leaving something on the floor, not cleaning up, being in the way, etc, etc.

Dinner after the beating:

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This scene gives us a sense of how Elizabeth deals with certain situations. In this scene, Elizabeth shuts her mother out who is trying to understand and help where she can, so she can face the trouble that lies ahead alone. This type of mindset isn't good but as a teenager, this is quite a common way to think and act. Facing things alone, solely taking on a burden, and shutting people out are all toxic traits and are unnecessary, but that is something we learn with age. Speaking up and expressing feelings are all healthy and normal things to do.

By being sent her room, she has allowed a gateway to open up for sneaking out of the house.

Leaving to save Elliott:

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This is the biggest decision Elizabeth has made. This is the climax of the script. Elizabeth decides to tackle the obstacles that lie ahead, head-on, and by herself.

Getting Elizabeth to come to this decision meant that she needed to have empathy for Elliott. Having her understand what he felt and being able to apply it to herself is a big step for character development. This was a tough trait to put in a character that has only known the other for four days.

But for Elizabeth to do this, she needs to be hesitant. It is completely out of her comfort zone. She has all the reasons needed to go to Elliott's house in the middle of the night, but for her to break in and get him out is another thing entirely.

So for her to come to this decision, it was totally necessary for her to see what Elliott endures while at home. She has to feel obligated to do this, that she is the only one that can, and that this is the only way for it to be possible to get him to safety.

And so this is our heroes' journey.

Seeing the aftermath of the beating:

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After going through the experience of breaking into Elliott's house while Chris is awake. Having second thoughts about committing to her goal, and hiding from a suspicious Chris, she reaches Elliott's room.

The big reveal of Elliott's wounds is shocking to Elizabeth, but she fights through it and convinces him to leave and go back to the safety of her house. That was the ultimate goal for this scene, getting Elliott to agree with something he would have never done otherwise. Breaking free from the house and father he had become a prisoner to.

I drew inspiration from Disturbia with this scene, when Sam goes into his neighbors' house in the middle of the night to get his mother.

Getting back to Elizabeth's house:

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Once they got out of the house, it was important for me to convey relief and a moment to breathe again. Also, talk to each other properly for once. With meaning and emotion. Of things that matter. A sentimental moment between the two of them.

Showing the two of them riding on the one bike back to Elizabeth was important as well and for two reasons.

1. It is the first time they've ridden together since the Milk Bar scene, but this time on the one bike. This to me conveys a sense of unity between the two fo them. They have finally escaped the thing that was holding them back from being able to hang out and be together. This is not a story of love but of friendship.

2. This goes hand in hand with the strong bike motifs that are within this story. I really like the idea of bikes being at the center of friendship in films. This is where 'The Paper Kites - Renegade' music video shows up in my story. I also drew from movies like E.T, Stranger Things, and IT.

Mary discovers Elliott in Elizabeth's bed and sees his wounds:

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Just like how the bike riding scene was used, I wanted this scene to be a breather and a light-hearted moment in the story, while also adding valuable information to the scene. Now that Mary has discovered Elliott and his wounds, being the adult that she is, she wants to see this resolved.

Resolving the issue:

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Making sure that Elliott understood what has happened to him is wrong was important, and having an adult explain that to him was just as important as the damage dealt towards him was done by an adult, a father he thought he could trust. Having Mary there to reassure him of this works more than anyone else telling him because she is a mother and Elliott lacks a mother figure in his life right now.

Also having Mary show and express her worry and love for Elizabeth was important to resolve. It gives both characters the clarity they needed between each other now that they are on the same page and sharing their thoughts with one another.

This isn't all of the script as mentioned but it is more than enough to understand the story and its themes it explores.

I hope you all leave with some extra screenwriting knowledge, whether that be writing an interesting story, character, situations, character arch's, or pacing of a story.

Thanks for reading!

Join me next Friday for another blog post at 12 pm.